Dishing intimate details about your sex life with mom and dad

I have two confessions. One that I sometimes watch MTV. I can't get enough of the reality shows that sensationalize sexuality. It's part of my job as a sex expert to be able to deconstruct these shows and comment on them at times. The second...well, read on.

The other night while channel surfing, I came across the show Sex: with mom and dad. Perhaps you've seen it. It was in previews giving us all a sneak peak before the premiere on September 29th. And now for the confession...I auditioned for this show. I'm sure a lot of experts auditioned. Funny to think Dr. Drew was the chosen one. The show definitely gets families confessing and talking. It does so with Dr. Drew's intervention in a therapy type setting, assigning homework for the teen and parents to complete together. I specifically remember talking to the producer about homework assignments and how research shows this is effective. Perhaps I helped shape the segment. But, from what I've seen so far, these assignments get them talking about who they have had sex with and how many times--both the teens and the parents. This isn't my idea of success. Talking yes, focusing on the intimate details, not so much. No doubt, this shock value will cause ratings to soar.

Buckle Up: A Scandalous 90210 Season Ahead

Home last Tuesday night, I decided to watch the new 90210. I remember watching the original when Donna was still a virgin, and the cast dealt with the trials and tribulations of being a teen. This time around, from the beginning of the season, the characters face the same angst...10-fold.

Naomi Clark, the rich daddy's little girl, receives a brand new Mercedes when her dad needs to cancel their trip to Vegas because he has too much work to do. Later that night, she decides to bring her dad dinner at the office only to find him outside the building making out with someone other than her mother. In tears, Naomi goes to meet her friends for solace.

The next day she decides to tell her mom and learns from her that the mistress's name is Gayle. With a straight face and a slight smile, Mrs. Clark tells Naomi she's known about Gayle for the past two years. The taboo admission: Mrs. Clark happily accepts the situation so she can enjoy the lavish lifestyle her husband provides. Is this the new teachable moment?!?! Did you ever think you would need to talk with your kids about these types of relationships? Hold on as we see what the rest of the season has in store.

Sex Ed: A Hot Topic in '08 Presidential Election

Watching CNN on Labor Day, two topics dominate the screen: Gustav and the Republican National Convention. And, then Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter surfaces bringing sex ed front and center. Gearing up for the election, I have decided to finally post all the recent data on the topic. This will be an ongoing list as old data is uncovered and new data is released.


Abstinence-Only and Comprehensive Sex Education and the Initiation of Sexual Activity and Teen Pregnancy, March 2008

Emerging Answers 2007: Research Findings on Programs to Reduce Teen Pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Systematic Review of Abstinence-Plus HIV Prevention Programs in High-Income Countries

Impacts of the Heritage Keepers ® Life Skills Education Component

Sexual abstinence only programmes to prevent HIV infection in high income countries: systematic review

Impacts of Four Title V, Section 510 Abstinence Education Programs

Condoms:

Association Between Condom Use at Sexual Debut and Subsequent Sexual Trajectories: A Longitudinal Study Using Biomarkers

Government Stats on Teen Sexual Behavior

This summer, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released the 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System(YRBSS). The YRBSS, surveys high school students and tracks different health risk behaviors, including sexual behaviors that contribute to unintended pregnancies and STDs. The YRBSS surveyed more than 14,000 students from across the country. The results for sexual behavior included the following:

· 47.8% of students reported ever having had sexual intercourse (46.8% in 2005)

· 7.1% of students reported having had sex before age 13 (6.2% in 2005)

· 14.9% of students reported having had sex with four or more sexual partners (14.3% in 2005)

· 35.0% of students reported being currently sexually active, defined as having had
sexual intercourse in the three months prior to the survey (33.9% in 2005)

· 61.5% of sexually active students reported that either they or their partner had
used a condom during last sex (62.8% in 2005)

· 89.5 % of students reported having been taught about AIDS or HIV in school (87.9% in 2005)

Since the last YRBSS, conducted two years ago, little positive change has been made relating to teen sexual behavior. Hopefully, this is not the beginning of a trend that can likely be linked to abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. If only Washington would wake up and read the research that it's the comprehensive approach that's proven to work.

Sex in America: A 20/20 Must See

Last night, 20/20 was devoted to Sex in America addressing attitudes on laws related to sexuality. We all know our society is saturated with messages and images about sexuality, but state and government efforts--not to mention money--are being wasted on controlling sexuality in the bedroom and society. If this much effort was put towards sexuality education--we would be more sexually healthy as a whole. This excellent program is sure to awake the advocate in you to speak out to local, state, and national policymakers.

Here's the 20/20 description about this must see episode:

Sex today is everywhere, from television and movies to the internet to images in ads and even store windows. It's more in your face than ever before. But how big a problem is this? Or is it a problem at all? John Stossel examines sex in America: from attitudes towards sex in this country, to the laws our government makes about where we can have it, whom we can have it with and when we must be protected from seeing it.

Sex Culture: Parents cringe watching television with their kids, says Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council, a group disturbed by all the sex that's in the public square. With so many programs pushing the sexual envelope, Sprigg says he can barely find anything appropriate to watch with his young son. Stossel says he cringes too, but asks, ''What's the real effect? Where is the damage? Sex is more prevalent than ever, yet rape rates, divorce rates and the percentage of teens having pre-marital sex have been declining over recent years. So isn't this good news?'' Dr. Marty Klein argues that some in America wage a ''war on sex.''

Policing Sex: Police staked out a nearly empty park to arrest a man who, when a topless woman asked him to show her his private parts, complied. In Laredo, Texas, police arrested the Chippendale Dancers. In Alabama, legislators have banned the sale of sex toys. The punishment for buying a toy can be arrest and a fine up to $10,000 dollars, which is five times that for drunken driving.

Polygamy: Peter Sprigg says, ''Slavery and polygamy were the twin relics of barbarism... barbaric societies that we've tried to move beyond.'' But polygamy advocate Mark Henkel says the law is hypocritical. ''Someone like a Hugh Hefner will have a successful television show with three live-in girlfriends. And that's all okay, and he's making great money, and that's all fine and great entertainment, but if that man was to marry them, then suddenly he's a criminal! That's insane!''

Predator Laws: In order to protect children from sexual predators, states have passed laws to try to keep molesters far away. But as Stossel reports, as so often happens with many laws, there are unintended consequences, as the predator laws cast a wide net. Take Frank Rodriguez, whose consensual sexual relationship with his high school sweetheart when he was 19 and she was 15 led to his being branded for life as a sex offender - even though the two ended up marrying and having four children.

Why We Cheat: America may be waging a war on sex, but that doesn't stop anyone from doing it. Infidelity is all over the news. Even America's most desirable women like Jennifer Anniston, Halle Berry and Christie Brinkley are reported to have been cheated on. Why? Are men programmed to wander? Steve Santagati, an advice columnist and self proclaimed ''bad boy,'' says men are. Scientists confirm his assumption that men are programmed to cheat, and that even animals once thought to be monogamous are cheating. But Dr. Scott Haltzman, who wrote The Secrets of Happily Married Men, points out that couples can be faithful, and when they are, they are happier.

Texas Monthly's a Sex Ed Supporter

The May issue of Texas Monthly has a fabulous article on sex ed and abstinence programs that one expert refers to as "absent education." Kudos to Katy Vine for writing Faith, Hope, & Chastity, a powerful article in what must be a progressive Texas magazine.

Sex Ed Celebrity Style

The cat is out of the bag that the bun is in the oven. Jamie Lynn Spears is prego, and is quoted as saying "It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected." "I was in complete and total shock and so was he." We'll for those having sex, it's a real possibility. One would think that even if Jamie didn't have comprehensive sex ed, she would have learned this from Church, where she supposedly met boyfriend Casey Aldridge.

According to a recent report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the birth rate for teens ages 15-19 has risen 3 percent since 1991. Not to mention that unmarried childbearing has risen to a record high of 20 percent since 2002. Something must be done! ...and it's likely parents can help lower these statistics.

For parents and young people alike, this is a perfect opportunity to turn celebrity gossip into a teachable moment. Talk about your family values. Discuss the realities of teen pregnancy for many teens--especially those that don't have their own TV show. Use this topics as a stepping stone to address self-esteem, healthy relationships, sexual health, and contraception. These conversations will create stronger bonds between parents and their children, and make young people better informed about sexuality and empower them to take charge of their future.

Hurried Woman Syndrome

In a time when women bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and do 10 million other things in a 24-hour period, it's no wonder so many have liquidated their libido. Dr Brent Bost coined The term Hurried Woman Syndrome a few years ago. It's symptoms include being tired, wanting to eat often, gaining weight, losing sleep, lack of motivation, tiredness, increased appetite, weight gain, trouble sleeping, and low self-esteem--most women I know fit the profile perfectly. So, how can we do it all in a day, and still add sex to the to-do list? The key is to prioritize your tasks---yes! this include intimacy-- and make time for yourself. If you do, your life will be less hectic, and your sex life will be back on track!

Bush Tells You How to Talk with Your Kids

A new Public Service Announcement (PSA) from the Bush Administration is telling you how to talk with your kids about sex. And, it's only advocating the message of waiting to have sex until marriage. Knowing that almost half of young people in grades 9-12 have had sex, this isn't a practical message. Besides, in a country that doesn't support same-sex marriage, the PSA and it's approach omits numerous gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth. Parents should be sharing their values with their kids, not the administration's.

Check out the full PSA on the government website http://www.4parents.gov/#psa
Speak out, and let the Bush administration hear your feedback!

Sexuality and STD/HIV State Mandates

Many people don't realize that sexuality and STD/HIV education varies from state-to-state. While some states have mandates in place to enforce that young people receive some degree of sexuality and/or STD/HIV education, there are plenty of states that do not have policies, or place restrictions on what can be taught.

The Alan Guttmacher Institute recently released a policy brief that illustrates the states that mandate these topics (and those that don't), the states that stress abstinence, the states that cover contraception, whether or not parental consent is required, and if there is an opt-out permitted.

To view the brief, go to:

http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/spibs/spib_SE.pdf

Yesterday, Sexuality Issues Took Center Stage in NJ

New Jersey has finally said NO! to accepting federal dollars for abstinence-only-until-marriage (A-O-U-M) programs, as they are inconsistent with New Jersey's education standards. Over the past several years, New Jersey has accepted millions of dollars to fund A-O-U-M programs. But, this year, when federal guidelines became more strict, officials cut the state free of the strings attached to the sum. A-O-U-M programs often violate students’ rights, they embrace sexist stereotypes, isolate GLBT youth, promote religious views, provide fear-based messages, and consist of medically inaccurate information--especially when discussing sexually transmitted diseases and condoms.

The other sexuality-related news...
The New Jersey State Supreme Court handed down its decision in favor of same-sex marriage. Same-sex couples from other states will be able to travel to The Garden State to get hitched. Time will tell if the legislature will choose to refer to same-sex unions as "marriages," "civil unions," or something else.

Reality Check

Unless you have a body image and self-esteem as strong as steel, the media can take it's toll on the way you feel about your body. The reality--as many of us know intellectually, but sometimes forget in moments of insecurity--is that the images we see are contrived. And, it's clips like this one that put everything back in perspective, serving as a reminder to love the skin your in.

First Time

I'm in a rush, need to get to my friend's house for dinner, and just set this blog up as I run out the door. This isn't about anyone's first time having sex--it's about my first attempt at blogging.